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Bliss Life

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Why Do You Stay?


Why Do You Stay?

by Craig Nielson M.A., CPC

What is the quality of your relationship?  Is it the type of love that makes you want to shout it out on mountain tops with joy, or has it fallen into the staleness of mediocrity?  Are you in a relationship where both of you are thriving, or are you stuck going through the motions thinking this is as good as it gets? Here are some ways to evaluate if your relationship is right for you.

What do you tell your friends?

When he's not around and you're with your friends, do you find yourself  bragging or complaining about him?  If you spend most of your time complaining, this is a sure sign you're unfulfilled in the relationship. Or you're just not a nice person.  If you find yourself in a bitch fest with your friends complaining about each other's mate, watch out.  It might also mean that you have bitchy friends who like nothing more than putting down their men.  This can lead you believe that your dismal relationship is normal and will leave you settling for less.

What don't you tell your friends?

Is he the same person when you're alone as he is when you are in public?  Does he criticize you and cut you down?  Do you argue and fight often?  If he is abusing you, cheating on you, or suffering from drug abuse, alcoholism, or any other form of addiction, this is not love.  If you're putting hope in the day when he will change you're wasting your time.  I'm not saying people can't change, but  he'll have to make the decision to change.  You can't make him.  If he shows no sign of accepting responsibility for his actions, It's time to move on.

Think you can't do better?

This is where you settle for less because you don't believe better exists.  Singles often make the mistake of saying, "I just haven't found the right one."  The truth is there are many potential candidates that could be potential love interests.  Not just one.  Finding a good partner is about timing and compatibility.  The old cliché is true, "there are plenty of fish in the sea."  Focus on abundance.  If you believe he's not right for you, it's time to cut and release.  Get clear on what you really want in a relationship and begin to model your life by living out those qualities you want in him.  This way you will begin making yourself attractive to a guy who possesses those same qualities.

 Do you feel being with someone is better than being alone?

I remember a woman I was working with who was single for only three months after her last bad relationship ended.  She was afraid to attend social events alone because she feared that others would wonder what was wrong with her, because she was single.  The thought process works like this:  Being alone is bad, if I am alone, I must be flawed.  Therefore others will see me as flawed.

Wayne Dyer said it best, "You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with."  If you're uncomfortable being alone chances are you simply haven't taken the time to get clear on your identity.  Loneliness is a very wise teacher.  Use your  time alone to invest in yourself and do some personal growth.  Maybe hire a coach or seek help from a qualified therapist.  There are also many self help books available to help you with your self discovery.

If you keep doing what you're doing, you keep getting what you're getting.  If you find that any of the above scenarios apply to you, it's time to think of whether you should stay or go.  Both scenarios can have positive consequences.  It's just a matter of exercising your power of choice and making a commitment to change.  Do it as a couple or do it alone.  Life is too short to be settling for less than true love.  You and he both deserve the best that life has to offer.  Go get it!