Stop Being the BITCH
Stop Being the Bitch
by Craig Nielson
Certified Professional Life Coach
Mean people suck. They suck the life out of you by whining, criticizing others, and putting them down. Do you have one of these types in your circle of friends? If not, it could possibly be you.
If it is you, it's time for reality check. Whatever it is that you complain or criticize about is about you, and not about what someone else says or does. Think of when you get angry over something someone else does. For example, your boyfriend or co-worker does something you dislike. The most common reaction is to think he or she makes me mad. It's their fault and now you need to right the wrong. You get upset and fight back by arguing, yelling, and criticizing.
The truth is no one can make you feel anything. You choose to feel the way you do when you react to what others do. The only way someone can make you do anything is by force. So if your reaction is not the result of force, it is your choice. Your greatest freedom is your power of choice. You can't control your circumstance, but you can always chose how you react to it.
A prime example is road rage. Imagine getting in your car and heading onto the main highway. As you enter the highway you get cut off. What is your typical reaction? Do you slam on your horn (after it is clear the cut off actually did not pose a threat)? Do you yell and curse? Do you give them the finger? Truth is, you have no idea what is going on with the other driver. Maybe They just got distracted. It's highly unlikely that their intention was to piss you off.
Instead of getting angry, chose gratitude. Be thankful no one got hurt and it this did not result in an accident. Get on with your drive and don't let it ruin your day. You don't know the person who cut you off and you will most likely never encounter them again.
So if this sounds like you, why do you typically react with anger? The reality is that when you judge others you judge yourself. When someone does something that you deem inappropriate, you react to is because whatever the behavior is that you considered to be inappropriate would be inappropriate for you do to. You would never do it, so you adversely react to seeing someone else do it. We like people who are similar to us in our attitudes, values, and beliefs. When we someone opposite of that, we get uncomfortable.
Being angry is unhealthy. It puts you in stress mode and your brain reacts by pumping cortical and nor epinephrine into your body. Your body naturally produces these hormones to heighten your senses in the face of a legitimate threat. It's your body's natural defense mechanism.. However when these hormones are prolonged and produced by self created stress it negatively affects your body.
Nor epinephrine produces an increased heart rate, dilation of your blood vessels, and increased blood pressure. Cortical produces blood sugar imbalances, high blood pressure, and lowers the strength of your immune system. This actually results in the deterioration of your cells which can contribute to pre-mature aging along with aches and pains.
When you react to what others do, you use judgment. When you remove judgment you naturally see the good in others. What you see on the outside of someone, including their behaviors, are the things you judge. Judging is the very thing that divides us. At the core, we are all the same. We all experience, fear, hurts, loneliness, the judgments of others, guilt, joy, and happiness. What will you chose to put out from your core? If anger tends to be your default mode of operation, look inside your heart. You can change the complexion of your heart and soul just by a simple shift in your attitude. It will be better for you and your health...and you might just change the world.