Aug 06, 2012 06:57PM
I am just finishing up a "Summer Burn Competition" at my gym and decided to look at some pictures of me right before I decided to take control of my lifestyle which was about four years ago after my first year of college.
It all started from birth basically, my mom has always struggled with her weight. While pregnant with me she became obese and her doctor said that he would not work with her any longer if she kept it up. My parents we very young parents, 20 and 21, so they did not have the slightest idea of proper nutrition. My parents went through a very ugly divorce when I was toddler and I went to live with my dad. I have been told that my dad would pack me Lays potato chips and a cheese sandwich everyday for preschool. When dinner came around, pork chops and potatoes were a staple, he would fix me the same portion as himself. When I would visit my mom, homemade fried doughnuts with powdered sugar and little debbie cakes were a normalcy. By Kindergarten I was overweight enough to be picked on. The teasing got so bad my Dad and Step-mom sent me to private school in second grade.
My family let this malnutrition continue all of elementary and middle school. I always felt different, but the first time it made a big impression on me was in 7th grade. I was sitting with my volleyball team, who were all talking about how much they weigh. When I innocently said 172lbs, jaws dropped and a friend said "NO WAY! thats more than my mom!". I was embarrassed. However I had friends and I thought I was happy.
High school hit and I was self conscious every moment of every day, but felt no way out of my body. For Christmas that year, at just 14 years old, I ask for diet pills and my mom took me to buy some. In 10th grade I felt the only thing I could do was stop eating and when I did eat just throw it up after out of guilt. I lost about 20lbs doing this and felt like I had found a way out. However as a growing teen I became depressed from all that a normal teenage girl would go through plus the binging and purging. The "yoyo dieting" came back to bite me my junior and senior year and I gained the 20lbs back plus much more. I graduated High School 200lbs and on depression medication which increased my love of food and eating in secret. I left for college thinking I would find my niche and and be happy again. I did find my two very best friends that year however I was more miserable than I had ever been.
I used food to get friends, I constantly offered to take everyone to eat, a huge plus with poor college kids. In my dorm room Shirley temples, Movie theater popcorn, and brownies were always around. I would stay up all night eating and watching movies. I even began misses classes and assignments. By the end of my freshman year of college I was weighing in at around 210.
That summer I fell face down on the floor and burst into tears, how did I allow my parents ignorance to become my burden?! I then stopped blaming everyone else and realized it didn't matter how I got here, what mattered was what I was going to do about it. I made a decision with in myself that I needed to change, I needed to care about myself and be a person I can love and respect. I needed to reclaim any shred of positive self-esteem. I got an on campus trainer to give me some pointers and advice before I left to go home for the summer. I came home, no gym, no supplies, just a deep ceded desire to see who I was underneath the weight. For three months I ran, did push ups, crunches, and whatever at home workout I could find online. I also drastically changed my eating. My motto was, "If God made it, it must be good". So I cut out anything packaged, cut my portions in half, and cut out the secret snacking. I went back to college in august 40lbs lighter and full of confidence. I moved into an apartment with two girls who were healthy and into fitness, and met my next door neighbor, my now husband, who was a wrestler for our university. I began working out in the gym and trying to burn more than I ate. It was harder to lose once I got back to school, because there was always something special going on but when you change your outlook on life, you start making smarter choices. I graduated college at 21, engaged to be married, and 140lbs!!!
I moved back to my hometown with my soon to be husband and committed to finish what I started, my goal was 120lbs. I got a job at my local YMCA as a pre-k teacher, one of the perks was free gym membership! I woke up at 6am every morning and attended spin class 3 days a week and a crossfit class 3 days a week. I went back to my natural eating along with small size portions and taking a diet supplement. 5 months later I walked down the aisle a lean 128lbs!
The first year of married life took its toll, at a whole 10lbs. On our 1 year anniversary, November 2011, I recommitted myself to track I was on. I quit diet pills, did some research on calorie, protein, carbohydrate, and fat intake and now have a very good grasp on the clean eating way of life on top of my spin and cross fit class regimen. There truly is nothing like caring for and respecting your body. I used to tell myself before a workout or meal, "you get out, what you put in", and now I apply it to every area of life. My life has truly been changed for the better.