Skip to main content

Bliss Life

be bold. be brave. be remembered.

Benefiting From Your Breakup


Benefiting From Your Breakup


by Craig Nielson M.A., CPC


In the aftermath of a breakup come the feelings of sadness, regret, isolation, loneliness, and an overall sense is pain.  Since our natural instinct is to avoid pain, this can lead to developing beliefs and habits designed to protect you, but in the long run give you a disservice.  Be aware of negative thought patters that bring you down.

Thoughts of avoidance

This is where you get into thinking things like “all men are the same," “all the good guys are taken" or "all guys are creeps.”  These thoughts give you the excuse to avoid dating, thus avoiding any chance of getting involved in another relationship which might lead you to heartbreak.  The result is isolation and loneliness.

Thoughts of self-blame

Another dangerous turn to take is down the road of beating yourself up.  You may try to justify the breakup by unnecessarily holding yourself accountable by finding some flaw in yourself that you believe turned him off.  These types of thoughts kill your sense of self worth and keep you feeling insecure.

By avoiding these thoughts you can evaluate your lost relationship and grow from it.  Here are some positive actions to take to get you out of the rut of feeling rejected.

Lessen the blow of the loss

  • Create a list of all the things you did not like about your ex.  Think of things in his attitude that bothered you or in some ways that he didn't treat you as you would have preferred.  Focus on all that was wrong in the relation ship.  This will help you avoid falling into the feelings of lost romance you experienced while in the relationship.
Create a list of your best qualities
  • If you're having trouble with this when you're feeling low ask your close friends or family members to share what they think are your best qualities.  Do not dismiss their comments by thinking they're only telling you this to be nice.  Who are you to make a judgment about their intentions.  In general, people don't give others compliments because their intention is simply to make them feel better.  Think about it.  Do you?
Don't regret the relationship
  • There are no mistakes.  Yes, you heard me right.  Think of it this way:  A mistake is an experience in your life that helps you remember more of who you really are.  Now is your opportunity to get clear on your identity and build on your sense of self-worth.  Take time to invest in yourself.  Chances are, part of you got lost in the relationship, and that is why it failed.  You deserve nothing but the best of what love has to offer.  Take time now to fall in love with yourself.

The truth is, a better relationship will come.  So don't look back.  The heartbreak won't last and you'll experience brighter days ahead. New opportunities for you to grow and form new relationships will develop if you are open to them.  So don't hide in your sorrow.  Be fearless and embrace the change.