Skip to main content

Bliss Life

be bold. be brave. be remembered.

How To Empower Around You

How To Empower Around You

by Craig Nielson

Certified Professional Life Coach


Who do you know in your life who seems to have a perpetual dark cloud hanging above them?  You know the type.  The negative Nelly who is a friend, co-worker, or family member who always complains, criticizes, and makes excuses.  Nothing ever goes right for her. When things go wrong in her life she uses it as evidence to support her idea that if she didn't have bad luck- she'd have not luck at all.

These people create a miserable atmosphere and it can become difficult to be around them.  Here are some tips on how to make your experience with them more pleasurable and how to empower the women around you to be successful.

Don't get sucked in

Let's say you have a co-worker who hates her job.  She complains about everything at work and starts in on complaining about your boss. If you are not fond of your boss you may be drawn in to voice your dislikes and air your grievances. While you commiserate it becomes a bitch fest that creates stress and brings you both down.  Avoid adding fuel to the fire and steer the conversation elsewhere.

Acknowledge and validate

Respond to her feelings instead of the situation.  For example:  She complains that she busts her butt at work and the boss doesn't even offer a thank you.  Offer something like "You feel your hard work goes unnoticed, that must be frustrating for you.  Even though you are not getting a thank you, you can take pride in knowing you do a good job and at least the boss is not telling you otherwise." This will help diffuse the complaining and put a positive spin on the situation.

Give encouragement

Find a quality in the person that you like and build on that.  It might be that she shows great persistence and you admire that about her.  Ask her how she could use that persistence to better her situation.  Another way to offer encouragement is to ask her to name three things she is grateful for, even if it is a simple as a hot shower that day.  Gratitude can help boost her mood and help her to see things more positively.

Challenge absolutes

Absolutes are comments that contain never,  always, and all.  Comments like "I never get a break" or "things always go downhill" or "all men are the same."  Challenge these beliefs and offer evidence to the contrary.  Though the current situation may seem bleak, surely there have been other times in her life where positive things have occurred.

Lead by example

In the same way your negative Nelly gives off a bad vibe that creates a toxic environment to be around, you can be a positive influence by what you say and what you do.  When you show up smiling, filled with gratitude, and encouraging others, you give off a positive vibe that others will be attracted to.  In doing so and not giving in to your friend's negativity you just might hear her say something like "I wish I could be more like you."  In turn you can respond by saying "you can, you just have to chose it."

Don't let yourself be brought down by the negative people in your life.  Help empower them by using these tips and help them to see a brighter day and a world of opportunity.