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Bliss Life

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You Are Out of My League - Let's Go Out

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By Craig Nielson Certified Professional Life Coach

How do you find Mr. Right?  Consider this challenge to ask out 10 guys you believe are out of your league.  This was a challenge I gave myself earlier in my life, only of course, I was out to date women.

I was in college and looking for love.  I found I was insecure with myself mainly because I was self-conscious about being skinny and believed the really pretty girls would not be interested in me.  Then I thought, how would I know for sure, unless I tried?  Fear of rejection was the only thing holding me back.  I figured that it won't kill me if I do get rejected, so I went for it.

I set out to ask 10 women out who at the time I believed to be out of my league.  The women I previously thought to myself would never go out with a guy like me.  The results -- two out the 10 women said yes and we went out.  None of them rejected me (my biggest fear) by saying they would never go out with a scrawny guy like me.  Of the eight who declined, most said thanks but they had boyfriends or they just were not wanting to date at the time.  One even told me she was flattered and "For what it's worth, I think you'd be a great catch."

My little experiment paid great dividends.  Since then I was never afraid to ask someone out for a date.  Eventually, I did meet the love of my life in college and have been happily married ever since.  My challenge to you is to do the same. Here are some tips to get you on your way:

Be Aware of Your Limiting Beliefs

From the women I work with today I am used to hearing things, such as all the good guys are taken, all men are the same, they are only after one thing.  These are simply untrue.  These type of beliefs lead you to settle for less than what you really want in a relationship.

The same goes for what you believe about yourself.  Don't get stuck on thinking you're not good enough or that he would never go out with you.  You won't know for sure unless you try.  If what you believe cannot be proven as an absolute fact, it is not true.

Avoid Being Blunt

Don't pick out some guy at random and ask him out on the spot because you think he is hot.  You might give him the idea you are looking for a one-night-stand and chances of developing a relationship from this abrupt encounter is slim at best.

Create Opportunities

Create situations that get you into a conversation with a potential date without it being obvious that is what you are after.  

When I was in college, I chose potential dates that were in my classes and asked them to join me in a study group.  This allowed them to get to know me a bit and for me to get to know them a little before asking them out.

Look for clues for common interests.  You see a guy at the gym. Maybe he is wearing a t-shirt from a marathon he ran.  You like to run, too. So approach him with your interest in running.  You can strike up a conversation and then ask him out for coffee to further pick his brain.

Maybe  he reveals something by what he wears or has that offers a clue to what kind of work he does.  Be curious about it, and if you find the conversation interesting say you'd like to talk more about it sometime and ask him to lunch.

So here is my challenge to you ladies.  Don't get stuck in thinking there are no good guys out there.  Make the attempt to find them.  Choose to ask out 10 guys you think are out of your league by using some of the above suggestions.  Post your results here and share your thoughts on what worked and what did not with other readers.  Have fun!